Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
