you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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