her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even my vagina gasped.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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