I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
