So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
