I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
