ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
