hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
