So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
