mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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