you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
