you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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