We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize