Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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