Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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