Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
