Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
