I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
