Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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