Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
