come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
