I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize