ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
