I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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