Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
