apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
PANTIES FOUND
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