While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
