I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
