Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize