What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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