Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
