I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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