There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
