Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
