Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
