can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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