I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
