did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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