i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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