Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
