she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
