I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
