I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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