my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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