Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
