I want to stick my p in your. b.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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