Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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