i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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