My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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