You're my little dorito
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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