Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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