Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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