fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
