Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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