Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Holy shit dude........stairs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
