"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so let's talk penis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
