Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
