why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
