Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
