I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
