Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
