the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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