I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
