Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
