He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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