I met the friendliest cop last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
