fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
