What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
