Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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