Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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