I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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