yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
